Confessions

#748

I spend my life lying and manipulating others to prevent them from finding out the truth about me. My mother thought I had aspergers syndrome and from reading the description, I knew I didn't have it. Yet I went along to see a psychiatrist and acted like I was socially inept & got the label because having this diagnosis would be better than reveiling what I really am. Now for years I've pretended to be this socially challenged individial, had social skills training I didn't even need and have house visits from a person who claims to help people with 'disabilities' find work or study. I manipulated a company into funding 10 sessions of counselling for me and I did this because I needed to keep up my act of needing support. When the counsellor started to say I was doing great, I faked a panic attack in order to convince her that I had severe problems with anxiety and needed further treatment. I'm still getting this counselling with the companies funding. However, with pretending to have all these problems I have no time for successes. A few months ago I claimed to have been the first at the scene of a car accident and did CPR on an elderly woman who was hit. Everyone was so proud of me and my aim was achieved - not to look like a complete failure but to maintain the idea that I was still having problems. Anyway, as I write this now I notice that I start to lie and have to go back and delete those lies and replace them with the truth. My brain doesn't seem to realise it's confession time! Why all the lies about being socially inept and neurotic? A (different) psychologist 2 years before all of this started told my GP that I had 'many traits of sociopathy' and I'd rather be labelled as an anxious, socially underdeveloped person than a sociopath and be associated with people like Bundy. My confession: Lies have saved me.

Total 5 votes 1 2 3

#144 [Feedback]

I have had sex before marriage. Many times. I had once sex with 5 different guys in one week. I lie. I curse. Used Gods name in vain. Im selvfish. Ive disrespected my parents. I masturbate. I think about sex often. Ive watched porn. I have taken naked pictures and made sexual videos myself. I have gotten drunk often. I think about my looks far to much. I am materalistic. Im lazy. I have prayed to Allah. I have done tarot, got my palms read, read horoscope, done ouija board. Ive listened to satanic metal and cheap crappy sex focused RnB and hip hop. The list goes on...... :(

Total 7 votes 1 2 3

#88

Dearest Lord, I am thankful for all you have given me. A great wife, two great kids a house and everything. I have cheated on my wofe so many times i lost count. I have wanted to stop but can't. I know my weakness, please help me. I can not stop. I want to stop. I love my wife and family. Sex is like a fog that envelope me anytime i am alone. I want to honor you and honor my family. I need your help. I can not do this alone. Please help before its too late

Total 4 votes 1 2 3

#83 [Feedback]

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Throughout my life, I have lived in this darkness... the beliefs that I was what "he" said I was: a slut, irrational, crazy (no one will ever beleive your word against mine)... I thought that talking about the abuse was being "honest"... but I wasn't aware of how deep honesty needed to be... until now. I am marriaed to a wonderful man that has loved me through countless trials. I have been unfaithful to him, and he has forgiven me. over the past several years... my darkness grew to the point where it literally overcame my entire being. I committed sin after sin... all "validating" that incorrect identity that I allowed "him" to label me with. Eventually- I lost everything. I walked away from my family- my husband of 20 years- my precious children- because I coul no longer deal with my guilt. I walked away under the "guise" of falling in love with another man. Finally- one day I woke up and said "Wait. This isn't me. I am lost, and I don't know how I arrived in this darkest hell." Since that time, I have slowly but surely learned what true honesty is- and how I have been walking with a shroud of lies my entire life. Many of the lies I was carrying with me weren't my own. They were the false identity my abuser created for me. Unfortunately- because I carried those lies with me- they enabled me to create my own set of lies- convinced of my unworthiness. As I have peeled away layer after layer of the darkness around me- I have learned to see myself- who I was intended to be. I have been honest about the lies that I told myself about my worthlessness. I have been honest about the lies I told about my transgressions (including infidelities). I have been reunited with my husband and family who have offered me unconditional love and grace... and I have made a promise to hold myself close to the light from now on. I have missed too many years of my life- and my family's. The only thing that still plagues me- is that there are a few infidelities I have yet to confess to my husband. The one that I just don't think I can confess is that I had sex with his brother. He is extremely close with his brother, and I am sure the knowledge of that fact would destroy their relationship forever- and would be the end of my marriage forever. His brother and I have no feelings for each other, and both hate what we did. When I came back into the family, his brother was worried that I would tell.. but I told him I hadn't. He said it went to the grave as far as he was concerned. Here I am- being welcomed back into my marriage. I feel like a brand new person- based on the self-discoveries I have made... but every night- the anxiety from guilt creeps up on me. I want so badly to move on. To continue walking in the light I have discovered... to confess and be forgiven, so I can love with out negativity.

Total 3 votes 1 2 3

#82	I am sorry that my mind constantly wonders to other people. I am sorry that I cannot at times be contented with just you. I know that you are what God gave me but I am slow to learn it. Be patient with me. Beleive me and be there. I am yours and yours alone.
Total 1 votes 1 2 3

#81 [Feedback]

I am a smoker. I am also a liar. My family hates smokers. To them, smokers are a bunch of degenerates who are next to nothing. I might not ever be able to confess. I can't imagine, not even for a second, my loved ones picturing me as a low life. They look up to me so much. I am suppose to be a role model for them. The woman I love, trust me blindly. I don't deserve her, and I don't deserve someone as caring as my family. I am trying to quit. But I've been trying to for a very long time. It kills me inside when I picture their smiles and hearts shattering as I confess. Whats better a lie that makes someone happy, or the truth that can hurt someone? I feel lost, but I know that I have to tell them. Its better to tell them myself then them finding out through someone else. I am about to commit a great sin. And thats breaking five hearts with just two words. "I Smoke"

Total 5 votes 1 2 3

#80

Ever since I won the money I’ve just been- happy. Truly happy. It’s what I always wanted. I always wanted to have that freedom. I always wanted be affluent, rich- wealthy. And now I am. I needed to do this. I needed to move away, get out from under people and do this for myself. And I’m so glad I did. I needed my freedom. I needed my place to be truly authentic- and this is what it brought me! I needed my place to LEARN. I could never fully LEARN with those other people around me because they all so… negative! I needed to be undistracted so that I could manifest around me what I needed. And the only energy they had comprised of- pessimism. You can’t manifest anything great or good with that around you. And even if you do, I found people will ruin it for themselves because they are still negative. All I wanted was good life, a WONDERFUL life- and they didn’t want that. They didn’t think they deserved it. But just because THEY thought that way didn’t mean I had to too! I’m going to have a wonderful life simply because…I CAN!! So here I am. I always wanted to know what it was like to strike it rich. And now I did. I bought a jackpot winning lotto ticket because I wanted to. And now… I’m rich! I always wanted to be this- I always wanted to have …OPTIONS. Opportunity. CHOICE. FREEDOM! I love my money. I love having money! I love GOING places! We’re going to Jamaica. We went to Disneyland. I’m buying a house in L.A. Now I am happy!!!!!!

Total 6 votes 1 2 3

#79

i got lured into cheating on my husband with coke and pot and blueberry vodka this kid with a mohawk omg hes nuts literaly nuts he thinks crazy sounds crazy acts bi-polar reads weird ocullt type things and hes totally a meth head i met him at my job he also claims to be a muslim and doesnt honestly respect women except for their vaginas i never really liked him but we were talking one nite at a party and he offered a few lines i accepted with a smile he lured me back to his place and i know i should know he has a reputation but ive know him for awhile and familiarity blinded my better judgement we stayed up and kept doing lines and drinking he decided he was all of the sudden to drunk to drive me home i took one look at his couch and knew i wouldnt be caught dead sleeping on that thing he offered his bed and once again i accepted this time alot more nervously he laid with me and talked about crazy shit i got sleepy finaly and dozed off i felt him start to touch me and woke up he was just watching me i had no idea wat to do he made me wake up and do more lines and smoke more and drink more i stayed in the bed and he sat in a chair just smoking cig after sig i eventully got so anxious from the coke so he held me for while and rubbed my head to calm me i ended up passing out probly from the liquor and pot and woke up i dunno how much later everything was pitch black and he was just touching me he held me down until i stopped protesting and then had sex with me so soft and quiet i couldnt disagree we slept for like a day and a half i still havent talked to him since then i think we both are avoiding contact no one knows sometimes i can make myself beleive it never happened

Total 3 votes 1 2 3

#78

im married a newlywed and really young or i at least am in most peoples eyes im a lot more than wat meets the eyes tho ive cheated on my new husband already we have a hard relationship its long distance at the moment and has been on and off for the past several years recently in the past few months i met a friend of his brother the kid is almost 3 years younger than me but one nite i got so trashed i lost my pot and had the brothers friend help me try and find it i dont even remember most of it just blurry patches uf him shoving me onto stuff and against walls this isnt the first time either before we were married an old friend of my husband came into town for a month we hung out like everyday with a big group of friends we friendly flirted but that was about it because he really like my husband on the last nite we got so sloshed and we were both bitching to each other how much we loved our significant others (he had a g/f too!) we were both so in love with them but still so lonely suddenly it went from talking to sneaking away to this feild to fuck i woke up guilty and he woke up wanting to be with me instead of the girl he supposedly loved i may sound evil but i love my husband sometimes too much i am crazy and jelous sometimes but he is beautiful almost like a model he has a great job money and all the morals he keeps me grounded and hes my bestfriend i dunno im just a sexual person plus there has been many situations of cheating on his end too but i kno of them he knows nothing of mine we were swingers at one point but we got too deep into with this couple and situations arose we quit for good but somewhere both of us keep hinting after (the out-of-town friend) thing happened i got involved with a guy i worked with he was again younger and less mature i was basicly using him he got me fucked up non stop and the parties he found were amazing u have no idea how many girls were after this dude and i got him to follow me around like a love sick puppy just from a little sex i dont know how i dd this but it all started with him friend flirting and then it got serious he tried several times to get me alone then one nite he gave me all this ecstacy so i would hang out with him so i did i told him first thing my intentions (drugs and sex) but he never listened one time he even gave me tons of perkaset i passed out unkowingly bcause he smoked pot with me too i woke up naked in his bed i still have no idea wat happened after that i realized he was getting to attached and i tried to break it off then he introduced me to coke the funny thing is we had the same group of friends and tons of other mutual friends that we had successfully kept all this hidden from this guy also had been friends with my now husband anyway for the next three months i was basicly coked out the entire time and i couldnt get away from that dude finaly i graduated and quit that job and we lost touch by alot of planned out avoidance while that was all happening i also got with this girl beautiful as hell im bi a closet bi my husband knows but not entirely he gets mad if hes not supervising or involved in anyway hes very jelous too neway this girl was covered in tatoos and peircins she was petite and blonde and such a partygirl just like me we had so much fun together we were just friends with benefits and we both indulged in many drugs together she claimed to her friends and family that i was her real girlfriend but none of my bestfriends ever knew of that either im very secreive and i lead multiple existences now im not messing around but im still using drugs not anything hard though my husband doesnt aprove now that hes sober too he used to be a huge druggie thats how i met him neway i really feel guilty and depressed all of this is eating me alive but i will never be selfish enough to tell my husband these things just to feel less of a burden just to feel better about myself he will never kno and no one except the actual ppl i cheated with will kno either

Total 1 votes 1 2 3

#75 [Feedback]

If I could get away with murder I would kill a good number of people. And the killings wouldn't be quick. It would be slow and painful. I would touture them in the worst ways possible. I've had pre-martial sex more times than I can count...and fucking loved every mintues of it...unless the guy had no idea what he was doing. I'm tired of how our society is. Just because a girl doesn't wear a size 0 or 1 doesn't mean she isn't worth anything. The average american woman is a size 12. So what the fuck guys....show us all some love. And trust me guys, us big girls know how to work it. This goes for the white men....black men already know where it's at. I also think about how if I was a guy I would rape every woman I came in contact with. I wouldn't just use my dick either...I would use anything and everything that I could shove in there. Yes I know I am fucked up....but it's ok.

Total 2 votes 1 2 3